GAPP of Second piece

Genre: Personal account article

Audience:Females aged 15+

Purpose: To inform and to entertain

Publication:  'Pick me up' magazine

Style model for article piece

Style models analysis for article

Style model 1: ‘Paralysed overnight’ – Linda Hartley (taken from Pick Me Up magazine).

• ·        ‘Paralysed Overnight... A virus attacked Linda’s spinal cord’ – This article has a main heading (‘Paralysed Overnight’) and then a little strap line (‘A virus attacked Linda’s spinal cord’). This lives up to its genre because articles have main headings and strap lines. The main heading is short, and catching. The strap line is a summary of the story, but only a tiny snippet because it draws people into wanting to read further.
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• ·        ‘Cuddling up to my hubby Stephen, then 55, in bed, I needed a good sleep’ – Narrative, and descriptive, gives character of her husband in it. Sets the scene.
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• ·        ‘It was January 2008’ – use of time/when the event occurred. Gets readers’ interested because it is clear she is about to tell the story to them. Past tense is used.
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• ·        ‘I tried to rub it better’ – ‘I’ shows it is written in first person. This makes it more personal, which grasps the readers’ attention because it is a real life story being told from the person who it actually happened to point of view.
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• ·        ‘Within a few weeks, I couldn’t move my legs’ – Use of time scale, shows readers’ how severe it was. Also, the fact that she didn’t go straight into grave detail, it is quite a sudden event. This makes the readers’ shocked, and feel sympathy for her, which grabs more attention from the reader because it makes them want to read on, to find out what happened next.
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• ·        ‘I had countless tests’ – makes the readers’ feel more sympathy, and the word ‘countless’ gives imagery of the idea that there were so many that she lost count. Makes the readers’ feel sad.
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• ·        Within the text, there is a blue box with pink quotation marks around it picking out the line ‘Within just a few hours, I couldn’t move my legs at all’ – this is to capture readers attention when they first look at the page, so they can see that it is an interesting story. They would get this impression because the writer picked out a very vague line that the readers’ could ask themselves a lot of questions about such as ‘why couldn’t she?’ ‘what made them like that?’ and therefore want answers to those questions and so they read the article.
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• ·        ‘Devastated’ – This is an example of one of the abstract nouns used in this personal account article. These are very effective to use because it creates a scene/imagery for the readers’ because it can make them imagine the situation and feel what emotion is stated as well. It makes the readers’ feel sympathy.
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• ·        ‘ “I’m going to fundraise,” I told Stephen and my two children Tracy,29 and Adam,25.’  & ‘ “That’s great!” Tracy beamed’ – these are two examples of dialogue used in the piece. This shows the realism of the story, creates imagery again, and it is told like a fictional story. Also, the fact that she stated about her fundraising shows what she has been inspired to do despite how she is now/because of how she was effected. This is moving to the readers’ because she hasn’t let her disability pull her back, so she is seen as inspirational, and it also may inspire them to want to take up some fundraising in honour of her and her story (depends on the reader).
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• ·        ‘So far they’ve raised almost £4000, I’m very proud’ – Use of statistic, shows the amount able to raise, the fact that they have raised a good amount of money makes readers’ happy, and when she says about being proud it is use of emotion again and makes the readers’ feel like they should be proud of them too/that they agree that she should be proud of them.
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• ·        ‘Transverse myelitis isn’t getting in my way.’ – This is inspirational because it shows she will strive on through life, and makes the readers’ feel proud of her, and see her as a role model in life because she is brave. Also, this is the last sentence of the piece, and she hadn’t actually mentioned the name of the virus that she had until then, she had only described it before. This is effective because if people knew what that was, they would be shocked, putting a condition to its name always frightens people about the seriousness if it, and so the fact she left this until the end works very well. It shocks the reader, and the fact it has a complex/horrible sounding name, makes it sound better and has better impact rather than her typing something like ‘my sore back isn’t getting in my way’.
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• ·        Even though the piece isn’t funny, this piece is still effectively entertaining to the reader. This is because it creates emotion in the reader whilst they are reading it, and keeps them interested.
• ·        The article uses pictures; before she had the virus, when she was shown to be active, and after she had the virus where she was in a wheelchair at a fundraiser. These show determination, and inspiration. It also makes the readers’ want to read the article because it gives them that exact feel about it.
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• ·        Beneath the pictures, just after the final column of the article, is a fact file. This is a fact file of background information about her condition. It uses statistics and facts about the condition, and is separate text to the piece, and it is serious. It again creates emphasis on the condition, which even though she isn’t talking about herself anymore as such, makes them feel more sympathy now that they know more things about it. It also interests the reader in finding out about something they may not have known about before. 

First Draft of article attempt. (Please do not copy)

I felt that this draft is too personal, and I did not want to share it on a blog where practically anyone in the world could read it. It was an ok attempt, but needed lots of improvement and more focus on the genre, purpose and audience to make it more clear to the readers'. I have now improved the piece and completed a final draft of it which is a lot better than this first draft that I did in my opinion as I found a good style model, and I stuck better to the purpose, audience and genre than I did in my first draft. :) 

Style models analysis for persuasive text

Style model 1: ‘Renault’s sexist advert drives me absolutely mad’ by Elizabeth Day.

• The piece starts with a rhetorical question ‘what do you look for when you’re buying a car’. The use of the rhetorical question here is getting readers thinking from an early stage (straight away) which gets them immediately involved, and makes them want to keep on reading.
• ‘Erotic props’ describing the modern use of women in adverts. It is dramatic, so that it emphasizes the point of sexual objectification. This is effective on the reader because it makes them think about it, perhaps realize/be persuaded.
•  ‘Not a lot to ask.’ Snappy, simple sentence. Creates humor as it creates the atmosphere of sarcasm.
•  ‘But then Blurred Lines, a feelgood pop song with a catchy bass-line by American R&B singer Robin Thicke’ Relates to recent events which back up her point of women being presented as objects. It is effective because it shows that there is not just one thing doing it, makes more of a big deal about her point.
• ‘Like fleshy, mannequins’ Use of a simile here. It’s negative connotation and would make the reader think of the extent to which women may be being exploited to the world.
•  ‘blows smoke in her face so that she coughs. If Charles Saatchi had done that to Nigella Lawson at a restaurant table, some people would see it as abuse’ – A comparison to other situations to emphasize the point of it being out of order. Extreme emphasis on disrespect. Makes reader realize it’s a serious issue.
• ‘anonymous “good girl”’ – Adjective reflecting the non-importance of a person. Shows women are seen as nothing/disrespected.
• ‘What a guy’ – This is use of humor through sarcasm (derogatory). It is a simple sentence, snappy, and emphasizes. By making the piece humorous, the readers are more likely to agree because it entertains them.
• ‘You’ – uses direct address to the audience, which makes the readers more involved, but it kind of segregates the reader from the writer in some respect so it is both a good thing and a bad thing.
• ‘They’re demeaning’ – This is s declarative (forced opinion). This is effective because it is stating opinion as if it is fact, therefore the readers are more likely to agree because it’s put in a more direct, ‘this is how it is’ sort of way.

Style model 2: ‘The problem with education? Children aren’t feral enough’ by George Monbiot.

• ‘The 10-year-old Londoners I took to Wales were proof that a week in the countryside is worth three months in a classroom’ – The strap line. This is a characteristic that shows it is a comment article, I will be using the same in mine, to make sure it matches genre and is laid out in a professional way. The strap line has to grab the readers’ attention as well as the main title, and it is usually some sort of minor idea on what the text is written about/focusing on.
•  ‘What is the best way to knacker a child’s education?’ – The text begins with a rhetorical question. The effect is that it immediately captures the readers’ attention, immediately involves them, makes them think and want to read on to perhaps find out what the ‘answer’ is.
• ‘Force him or her to spend too long in the classroom.’ – Declarative (abrupt way of stating opinion). Shows the piece is going to be opinionated, quite serious, not very humorous. Exaggerating that it’s against the children’s will through use of the verb ‘force’. This is also the answer to his rhetorical question. But the effect on the reader is that the verb ‘force’ makes the way education is delivered to seem cruel.
•  ‘Teenage girls taken on a three-week canoeing trip in the United States remained, even 18 months later, more determined, more prepared to speak out, and show leadership, and more inclined to challenge conventional notions of femininity.’ – Monbiot only focuses on the positives after projects promoting ‘less time in the classroom’ and would persuade the readers’ due to overload of positive feedback. It also shows own knowledge to back his point, which proves to the readers’ he is reliable in a sense that he seems to know what he is talking about.
•   ‘Last week I saw the evidence myself. With the adventure learning charity WideHorizons, I spent two days taking a group of 10-year-olds from a deprived borough in London rockpooling, and roaming the woods in mid-Wales.’ – This is effective in persuading the reader because he used an adverbial phrase to confirm he has seen evidence for himself. Also, the fact he named the charity he helped with verified this because if the fact he saw for himself was fake, he wouldn’t of been able to provide it effectively.
•  ‘never been to the countryside before and had never seen the sea’ – The repetition of ‘never’ makes the readers’ feel sympathy towards the children, therefore persuades them to agree with the point of getting children out of classrooms is important.
• ‘In the woods the next day we paddled in a stream... We foster and reward a narrow set of skills’ – These two mini paragraphs are a heart warming account of his findings when he went out with the 10-year-olds. This helps persuade the readers’ because not only is it more evidence/personal experience, but he describes it in detail using details such as emotions (abstract nouns), and he does it in such a way that the reader would see that as more valuable than sitting in a classroom 24/7 therefore, makes them more likely to agree with the point.
•   ‘ “I must tell him. It’s not something he will have heard before”’ – use of dialogue backs him up even further because it is more evidence that he was there.
•  ‘In 2011 the current government published a white paper proposing “action to get more children learning outdoors, removing barriers and increasing schools’ abilities to teach outdoors’ – This is an effective counter argument as it has proof of it being true because it states a year and who and where published. Using a counter argument is effective because it proves to the reader that you’re not being bias, and shows that you are thinking from both sides. It enforces your own argument too because you can prove the positive/negative point wrong with your own point of view.
• ‘95% of all outdoor education centres have had their entire local-authority funding cut.’ – Statistical proof, backs up argument because it’s fact, shows knowledge = more believable.
•  ‘Children are being treated like geese in a foie gras farm’ – Here Monbiot uses a simile to describe how children are being treated. This is effective imagery because it is negative, and makes the readers’ relate the image of geese being treated badly, with the children (association)‘Cannot escape’ – gives picture of trapped, and having no choice, effect is readers’ sympathy towards children/feeling of wanting to support getting them out of the classroom more often.
• ‘Why shouldn’t’ – Direct. Pragmatics in a sense that it is declaring there is no reason why they shouldn’t/readers’ struggle to come up with why they shouldn’t leading to their agreement.
• Ends with a rhetorical question like at the start; ‘What kind of government would deprive children of this experience?’ The intransitive verb ‘deprive’ is effective because it is an exaggeration, it emphasizes on the negativity. Also, it is a rhetorical question so it makes the people think. The question is compelling and effective. Due to the fact it doesn’t allow people to forget the effects on treatment of the children, it doesn’t really give the readers’ a choice in whether they think that a government should or shouldn’t ‘deprive children’ because surely anyone wouldn’t wish that, so it ends with agreement. 

Analysis of two articles 

Using language terminology when possible, comment on the techniques used which help the texts achieve their purpose(s) and to influence the audience.

In this essay, I will be focusing in depth and detail on how the language techniques used by the writers of two different texts help them to be successful in terms of achieving their purpose(s) and achieving how they are implying/would like to influence their target audiences. 

   The first text I will be analysing is called ‘Halloween costumes – what not to wear’ by Rhiannon Cosslett. The text has a strap line at the top which reads; ‘Bye bye pagan roots, hello a world of fancy dress stress. Here’s how to get it right by avoiding blackface and Slutoween’. The use of a strap line makes the purpose clear that it is a persuasive text because persuasive texts use strap lines to specify what they will be speaking about and promote a specific, key point. In this strap line, Cosslett uses neologism in using ‘Slutoween’. This is blending of the words ‘Slut’ and ‘Halloween’ and would draw the reader’s attention into finding out what point she is trying to make. The ‘Here’s how to get it right’ also clarifies a second purpose being advice, due to the use of the word ‘how’.

Firstly, ‘E-number quaffing, eggy neighbour-bothering, and fatuous readymade Miley Cyrus costume wearing, a trend for which we can only blame those pesky Americans. So, what to wear?’ This sets the tone of the text for the reader through Cosslett stating the bouts of modern Halloween night in a relatively humorous way. This is to grasp the audience’s attention and interest throughout the text which brings me onto its third purpose which is to entertain. The use of the inclusive pronoun ‘we’ interacts with the readers because she is stating them and her combined ‘as one’. She includes the reader’s further through using the rhetorical question ‘what to wear?’. This question makes them look back on their personal experiences of Halloween and is effective in gaining their interest.

Furthermore, Cosslett shows the purpose of advice through the use of imperative sentences such as, ‘Forget your mum cutting holes in a sheet’ and ‘don’t bother with those plastic witches’ hats with the fake green hair attached’. This persuades the reader more because it seems more implied/forceful and a ‘must’ due to Cosslett being direct through using verbs at the beginning of the sentence in order to make them imperative. She has also used the pronoun ‘your’ which makes it sound more direct, as if she is speaking to the reader.
  At the end of this paragraph, it says; ‘That is so 90s, babes’. This is an extremely informal use of lexis. This is because of the ‘90s’ written in statistic rather than word, and the use of slang; ‘babes’. Cossletts intention here probably was to make the readers feel relaxed and comfortable as well as being entertained by her wittiness through using the slang. It also gives a hint of her target audience, which I think is probably teenagers and young adults because of her use of slang to ‘get down with the kids’ as such.

Throughout the most of the piece, Cosslett uses subheadings such as ‘Know how soon is too soon’. The use of subheadings clarifies certain sections of writing, and is further evidence into proving that one of the purposes of this text is to advice because advisory texts structure involves the use of subheadings in most cases. Cosslett puts these subheadings in bold font so that they are salient. These capture attention of the readers due to the fact that they are salient. Also, not only are the subheadings Cosslett uses declaratives, but she also uses imperative subheadings such as ‘Don’t disrespect other people’s cultures’ and used an interrogative subheading; ‘Dress your baby up, they’re too young to be embarrassed so who cares?’ . This is effective because it gets the readers involved, and the point is a clearly obvious one, which may be seen as a general point of view. This would mean the readers will be more likely to agree, which makes this piece relatively successful in use of persuasive techniques.

In addition to this, she uses a lot of exclamatory sentences; ‘Look! It’s a baby! Dressed up as a lobster! In a pot! For the entertainment of adult!’. This captures attention of the reader’s because it is rather sudden, and it is direct at the beginning by using ‘Look!’ because it makes them wonder. It is also quite clever because it is open to interpretations. This is because it is hard to tell whether she is using sarcasm in terms of pragmatics or whether she isn’t.  

Cosslett’s use of humour is exceptionally emphasised at the beginning of the text under the subheading ‘Don’t disrespect other people’s cultures’; ‘Can’t you just put down that native American headdress? (I can see you. Put. It. Down.)’. Here, she uses an interrogative sentence which is effective because it begins with a imperative beginning and is quite humorous in terms of what object she chooses to highlight. However, the most effective part of this quote is the part in the brackets. This is because it is extremely imperative, and it is emphasised on imperativeness through it being segregated out into several minor sentences. This is another way that she emphasises her humour using the minor sentences because it makes it sound like she is actually talking to you. Therefore, it is more direct, and uses colloquial lexis. The purpose of persuasion is successful here because she is using a mix up of imperatives and interrogatives making the reader think they’ve got a choice, when they haven’t in terms of what she is asking them about/to do.

The use of pronouns is wide in this piece. This is because Cosslett ranges between ‘you’ related pronouns, ‘we’, and ‘I’ related pronouns. The ‘you’ related pronouns I understand that she has used to be direct towards the reader’s. She uses ‘we’ once or twice. This is an inclusive pronoun which is very effective especially when used in persuasive text. But, the most used pronouns in which Cosslett uses are ones relating to ‘I’ such as ‘I’ , ‘Mine’ , ‘I’m’ and ‘I’ll’. This emphasises on the purpose of persuasion because it makes the piece very opinionated and related to herself. Also, most of her sentences are complex, but she uses simple or compound sentences occasionally. This is varied sentence structure which interests reader’s, and works well in persuasive texts as well.

Finally, Cosslett uses the technique of cohension near the end. This is effective because she is using her own experiences to back up her points, which is extremely successful in persuasive texts because it makes what she is saying more reliable. Also, in the very last mini paragraph she states; ‘Freedom lies in having options’. This is an emotive use of lexis, and I feel that it is very powerful and meaningful and would get the reader’s thinking. It is also a declarative, so even if it is her opinion, it is stated as fact which is effective in persuasive text because people think it’s a fact.

In conclusion, Cosslett used a variety of very successful techniques to live up to her purposes and influence her audience in the direction she was pointing towards. I think that her piece was relatively successful because she used a clear discourse which was needed for her purposes, however it did have quite a few drawbacks that kept it from being any better. The main issue with this piece is that there was no register as such. Cosslett’s piece was not very appropriate to achieving its purposes because she only used second person throughout the entire piece (words such as ‘you’). This is ineffective in persuasive texts because it is not inclusive. By using the word ‘we’ makes it a lot more powerful. The context is also inappropriate because it focuses on size zero models being a negative influence on teenage girls; ‘You should not be influenced to diet just because,... Don’t pay attention to it’. By doing this, Cosslett is creating a distance between herself and the reader’s which is ineffective because it will allow them to develop a separate opinion rather than agree with her own.

The final text I will be analysing is called ‘A man’s perspective on why engagement rings are a joke’ by Tauriq Moosa. The title already suggests it’s going to be very opinionated and possibly sexist through using ‘A man’s perspective’. Also, it’s stating it as if it is every man’s opinion. 

This text have a strap line too, which reads; ‘ ‘A diamond is forever’ is genius marketing with no basis in relationship reality. My love isn’t proportional to a ring size’. This is opinionated, and quite powerful because Moosa uses emotive lexis by saying his ‘love isn’t proportional to a ring size’ which I believe most male reader’s would agree with, however I believe this text is mainly aimed at women because he is trying to make a point against them. This is because most women these days tend to agree with the purpose of engagement rings, whereas most men don’t really see the point in them, especially when you’d give each other wedding rings not very long after.

Firstly, Moosa starts his text stating; ‘Most of us are adult enough to know magic doesn’t exist’. This suggests that his text target audience is adults. This starting sentence is effective because by using the inclusive pronoun ‘us’ it immediately grasps the audience, and gets them involved in the text. 

Also, ‘fat rings are fairy-tale items which somehow “secure” another persons love, one step away from a “happily ever after”’. This is a clever technique that Moosa has used because by using the words in inverted commas, it creates a tone that it is a stupid concept and that he is being sarcastic. This affects the reader by making them think about how stupid it sounds. Also, it is a powerful way of persuasion because sarcasm can be humorous, especially when describing the expensive rings as ‘fat rings’.

Moosa uses the technique of metaphorical language to express his opinions; ‘We’ve turned into zombies, hungry for all things red and supposedly lovely dovey’. This is a powerful use of emotive lexis in a creative way. It captures the audience’s attention because it may be a concept that they were never opened up to before because it is a relatively unique metaphor. It is humorous so it entertains the reader, and it is also a declarative because it says ‘We’re’ at the beginning, which shows that there is no choice in the matter. This is stating opinion as if it’s fact and through basic psychology, it makes the reader believe it is an actual fact. This makes them more likely to agree, and therefore make Moosa more successful in his language techniques.

‘Engagement rings – specifically expensive diamond ones – are often prime examples of this unthinking mindset’. This uses ‘-‘ which represent mini pauses/links between sentences. This is effective because it slightly varies the sentence structure to look like 3 sentences, so that it doesn’t look like a massive piece of rambling. It keeps the readers interested because when reading, in their minds they can imagine how it would be being said to them if it was in real life. ‘Unthinking’ puts more emphasis on the fact that the readers may not have noticed what he has, which persuades them even more into agreeing with him.

Furthermore, Moosa uses factual evidence to back up his points; ‘large diamond mines were discovered here in South Africa around 1870, ... They would need to create a demand via (the illusion of) scarcity and pretend worth’. This is a powerful way to live up to his purpose of persuasion because he has knowledge. When there is knowledge involved in a persuasive argument, it increases the probability that the reader’s will be persuaded because it reassures people that the writer (in this case, Moosa) is in the know about it all and have done their research. As well as this, ‘the illusion of’ makes the reader’s read between the lines of what he is saying and realise where Moosa is coming from with his point of view due to thorough explanation of his point through using actual facts.

Then, Moosa continues to emphasise on the pointlessness of these rings; ‘convincing women to expect love in the form of a shiny stone’. Here, alliteration is used; ‘shiny stone’. The fact that a diamond is described just a pathetic ‘shiny stone’ emphasises pointlessness, and worthlessness to the reader which persuades them to agree, because of the description he has provided. 

     Moreover, Moosa uses even more evidence to back up his points; ‘And guess what? The prices keep going up, as if we are really loving more and deeper these days. ... engagement ring cost $5,200. If you think that’s bad, consider that nearly 12% of US couples spend more than $8,000 for an engagement ring’. The rhetorical question makes the reader’s automatically interested in what he is about to say, and gets them interacted with the piece again. The use of the inclusive pronoun, ‘we’, means that the reader is getting involved, and gives the sense to the reader that the writer and themselves are all on the same level or ‘all as one’. This gives a united feel, and some sort of connection between the writer (Moosa) and the reader’s, and because it says ‘we’ it makes the reader think “Oh I should think like that too then I guess”. Therefore they will be easier to persuade. In addition to this, he uses sarcasm near the end to create a little bit of light entertainment, whilst also stating factual statistics. Again, by using factual statistics, Moosa is gaining the trust of the reader in believing those statistics to be true (which they probably most likely are). Not only this, but Moosa specifically chose particularly shocking facts. This was to shock the reader into agreeing with his points about it being overrated, and make the reader’s more clear with where he is coming from with his ideas.

Near the end of the text, Moosa states; ‘Pointing to tradition means pointing to the mistreatment of different races and sexes, human sacrifices and so on.’ This is a declarative, and is stating his views/interpretations of life upon his readers as facts. This is effective because it makes them think about it, and because of the information provided here, makes Moosa sound like a very intelligent person who would know about that sort of thing. Also, it emphasises, and possibly exaggerates on the point a bit to make it more dramatic in order to persuade the reader to agree.

Finally, the last sentence of the text; ‘If you need a ring to prove your love, it’s not your lack of having a ring that’s the problem.’ This is a declarative because it just states a point. I feel this is a really powerful way to finish because it leaves the reader’s thinking, and it makes them feel like they should agree with Moosa because here he is basically saying that if you don’t agree with him, then you have a problem and obviously people wouldn’t want to have any problems/things wrong with themselves. It is a genuinely quite an open way of finishing which makes the reader’s think they’ve got a choice, when in reality, he isn’t really giving them a choice of disagreeing with him.

In conclusion, I think that this text has been really effective, and really well written and fit to its purposes and audience targets by Moosa. This is because he has been really efficient, and clearly taken time to think about how he can subtly psychologically manipulate people into agreeing with him through many persuasive techniques such as using plenty of declaratives and factual evidence. Moosa’s use of emotive lexis, and repetition of points also helped because it would have made it stick into the reader’s minds. I believe that he was particularly clever in the use of rhetorical questions because he didn’t really use any until near the end; ‘Why can’t a beautiful home be a symbol? Why can’t long-term investments be a symbol? Indeed, would it not be more impressive to show off a house than a finger rock?’ This chain of rhetorical questions would get the reader thinking consistently. The repetition is effective because it gets the reader thinking of other “why can’t something else be a symbol?” which means that the persuasion is working. Also, the description ‘finger rock’ is quite a humorous way to describe the ring, and makes it seem like a silly thing to own, which points the reader’s even more towards the point. But, what makes this overall successful, is the amount of involvement of the reader’s and the register use is incredible.

GAP for second piece 

Name of piece: The Christmas Present

Purpose: To entertain and to teach (learn from a moral)

Audience: Young children (about 0 – 5) and their parents (must appeal to the parent for them to want to read it to their child).

Genre: A Children’s picture book story

Topic: About a Christmas present a girl gets on Christmas day and the story of the journey to find a replacement toy for the one her mother originally gave her.

Moral: Appreciate and be grateful for what you have/are given