Noted analysis of first final draft (Persuasive text)  (need to add some more).

Notes on some analysis of my own piece (linked to style model) – positive elements

·          DISCOURSE ‘Our education; we’re doomed’ ‘An insight to the student mind; we need to be heard claims Georgina Bengeyfield, A-level student from Bristol’ This proves that I have stuck to the style of the my piece because comment articles have a title and a strap line. My style models both have titles and strap lines too. For example, in the piece about Renault, the title is ‘Renault’s sexist advert drives me absolutely mad’ and strap line is ‘The car company’s efforts to sell its products demean all of us’

·         LEXIS ‘Therefore, a fall grades at a percentage as low as 0.4% is actually a difference for 2918 students’ I used factual evidence to back up the points I was making, just like George Monbiot did in his text, The problem with education? Children aren’t feral enough (one of my style models); ‘. It also helps achieve my purpose because by using facts and statistics, it makes the readers believe I am more knowledgeable in the subject I am talking about, and therefore will be easier to persuade to agree with my points.

·         LEXIS ‘Do you want to see students’ lives going to waste because of these radical decisions?’ Started my conclusion with rhetorical question just like Monbiot did in his piece (my style model). I used it because it recaptures the reader’s attention, and makes them think.

·         LEXIS/GRAMMAR ‘Together, let’s end this immoral, dissolute running of the system. Together, let’s deliver justice to these innocent, hard-working teenagers. Together, let’s take a stand. ‘Here I used the power of three (triadic structure) to help persuade my reader’s. This is successful in achieving my purpose of persuading because it helps express my points clearly, and increases the chances of them remembering my point because it is three memorable sentences as they have the same beginning so it will stick in their head. I also used the words ‘Together let’s’ at the beginning of each bit. This is effective because ‘Together’ is an inclusive pronoun which makes the reader’s and me (the writer) united as one, and that we are all together in this, so it includes them more. ‘let’s’ suggests something HAS to be done, and WILL be done regardless of what their original opinion is, so they may agree anyway. This is also known as anaphora.

·         LEXIS ‘Of course, Michael Gove has done some pretty decent things in his time as education secretary such as increasing the options and provision for children with special needs and improving schools immensely through Ofsted initiatives. But this is no match up to the number of preposterous decisions he has followed through.’ Here is an example of one of the counter arguments I used in my piece. The use of counter arguments is effective because you show that you are non-bias but in a way that doesn’t defeat your own personal argument whether that be for, or against. This persuades readers to agree more because the positive things I used about Gove’s decisions were much less exaggerated on than those that are negative.

·         GRAMMAR/LEXIS I used many declaratives such as ‘Sign an online petition to help these young people have a voice and be heard.’ I did this because using declaratives makes the action more forced, yet not feel like it was forced because it is simply a statement.

·         GRAMMAR I wrote my piece from a personal experience point of view being that I am a student, and I am writing about the struggle of my own generation; ‘I believe it is a relatively good system, and much less stressful than exams in linear structure’. My style model by Monbiot also used personal experience point of view to argue his point; ‘I spent two days taking a group of 10-year-olds from a deprived borough in London rockpooling’

·         LEXIS ‘Do you even contemplate who’s being affected? No. You don’t.’ I use many interrogatives (which are rhetorical) and answered a few of them as does one of my style models; ‘What is the best way to knacker a child’s education? Force him or her to spend too long in the classroom’ These are effective because they keep the reader’s interest. Also, by answering them is an abrupt way of stating the opinion, which makes the purpose clear to the reader (to persuade) and helps exaggerate on the point.

·         GRAMMAR I used varied sentence structure from complex; ‘Probably at least 80% of us now don’t even bother researching what’s happening about education, or even care because of how confusing and stressful it is when he keeps changing the decisions he makes every two seconds.’  to sentence structure such as minor; ‘No.’ My style models also do this. For example, in the Renault one, there are varieties of complex; ‘As proof of its conscience, it quickly produced a similar ad featuring semi-naked men, thereby completely misunderstanding the entire concept of sexism’ to simple such as ‘What a guy’. The variety of sentence structure is important because it not only keeps the readers wanting to read on, but it also creates deep effect on the reader. If, you use a complex sentence then use a minor or simple sentence after it can create dramatic impacts on your readers, or it can emphasise your point, which helps achieve the purpose of persuasion.

·         LEXIS I used alliteration a few times ‘drastic decision’ this is effective because it stays in the reader’s heads which means they consider the point being made.

·         LEXIS I used formal register alike the one of my style models by Monbiot because it creates the sense of authority, and seriousness, which draws the readers in because they are curious about what is serious about the matter, or what you have to say. They also take you more seriously because you’re not just joking about.

·         PRAGMATICS Used statement about irony; ‘I don’t know about you but the irony never ceases to astonish me’. This is slightly entertaining, yet clear so the audience would agree because they see the point too due to evidence being stated above.

·         LEXIS Used lexis such as ‘immensely’ to help emphasise on my points. By using particular words, they have bigger impact on readers through how complex it is, and how exaggerated it is.